The little voice says "but what if you just tried it?"

Our art matters - it matters that we make it
In order to actualize our best and most honest art, we need (and deserve!) support.
What support do you need, from yourself, and from others?

This week, the support I needed came from myself and from my coach. I am starting a creative business, it is still a wee idea quickening. But I have been trying things that I was too scared to do when I was younger. I needed to be brave and take a chance and do something that felt scary. I needed to not assume I knew what the outcome was going to be. I needed some hope! I decided to believe and trust my coach and did what she suggested, which has been having conversations with women who want more meaningful creativity in their life. It has been really wonderful to have these conversations and to break through this limit I’d put on myself.

For a while I was very world weary. I thought there’s no more surprises, no more color, no more freshness for me in my own art or my career.  I am comfortable in my middle class, middle aged life, running out of steam, time to slow down. I don’t feel like I am being negative or a downer. I am accepting, I am embracing getting older. I love muted colors, so I was letting my own life become muted! I told myself that I know how it will go, it’s okay, but I'm being realistic about what is possible for me now. I’m releasing old ideas that won’t work for me, letting go of stale old dreams. 

Some of that is healthy. But is a death march, or could it be that I was making room for something new? The most obvious thing we need to do in order to continue growing is to get out of our comfort zone. I’m good at trying new materials. But there has been this low grade anxiety throughout this whole period of acceptance. Artistically, I felt I had lost connection with my inner voice. I think I kept running away from it. I didn’t like what it was saying. Sometimes it said things I hear other artists say in their work. Do I get to say it too? Do I have to say it in a new way in order to be allowed to express this common experience in my art? 

This week I started an online self discovery through photography course. Honestly I thought, I’m too old for self discovery. I’ve discovered myself to death!

As I’ve been working through the lessons I see how I limit myself, how I scoff at certain things. And you know what they say, when you have that kind of judgemental feeling there might be something behind it that you need to poke at. 

One lesson in the photography course was the Expressive Gaze. Capturing emotion! I have emotions of course, but I feel like at thai age I am supposed to have them under control. Expressing emotions is for kids! I just didn’t know what to do with the prompt. “Am I supposed to just look at the camera and make a bunch of facial expressions?” And my wee little voice said, “well no one is going to see, I wonder what would happen if you did that?” So I took a burst of photos, and just made faces. I had like, all this pepper in my teeth.  And then I did one with that super unflattering double chin angle, but I shook my head so my hair was flying all over, and that was kind of cool. And then I made myself think about a really sad thing, and let my face emote hard for a powerful second. And then when I looked at the burst of photos, it was really moving. I got teary?!  I really did not expect that, at all. And I love that, I love that there is, OF COURSE! OF course this is true, but there is still newness and surprise.

Is there anything you think is dumb or embarrassing that you can try in the privacy of your own studio, just to see what happens? 
What will you permit yourself to do, to express, to try?
Are you willing to be surprised, to see something new?

Great reference photos for wild gray hair and Hag Rage!