 In this video, I wanted to delve into the challenges of managing artistic creativity while dealing with depression or other chronic invisible conditions (I also get frequent migraines). I'll share my recent personal experiences and insights on finding a balance that works for me. My mood is still low, but I'm making it through!
Struggling with Fluctuations in Energy and Mood: Living with depression or similar conditions often leads to unpredictable fluctuations in energy, mood, and outlook. Personally, I've struggled with feeling great and full of ideas one moment, only to lose momentum and struggle to get back on track when my mood shifts. During high-energy phases, I would start new projects and feel unstoppable. However, during low periods, I battled feelings of worthlessness and struggled to do anything productive. This black-and-white perspective created a constant internal conflict. Shifting Perspectives A few years ago, I had a realization that maybe my high-energy self was setting me up for failure by expecting constant peak performance. Instead of always initiating new projects during high periods, I learned to use that energy for maintenance and preparation for the inevitable low phases. During low moments, I practiced being willing to do even the smallest creative task, like sketching a single line in bed. This shift in mindset helped me stay connected to my creative side even during tough times. I also learned the importance of showing compassion toward myself during depressive episodes. Rather than judging or trying to force myself out of it, I embraced the reality of my feelings and focused on inclusion and acceptance of all aspects of my experience. Just as Universal Design aims to make spaces accessible to all, I applied a similar concept to my art practice, ensuring it accommodates my full range of moods and energies. This inclusive approach has been transformative in maintaining a sustainable creative practice. A Beautiful Experience of Self-love and Self-compassion As part of a business course, I created a recording to rehearse and memorize the authentic self and values I want to bring into my business. I was very aware of including this embrace of my full self as I wrote it. I recently listened to it when my mood was very low and the experience of hearing my own voice remind me of these values of compassion, love and acceptance was extremely moving! I've built a safety net to catch me when my mood falls and it works. I'm still recovering, but I am hopeful Navigating artistic creativity while managing depression is an ongoing journey of self-discovery and self-care. Finding balance requires embracing all aspects of oneself, practicing self-compassion, and honoring the rhythms of life. Do you have strategies you use to manage your mood or energy? Is this an area you struggle with? Let me know in the comments :) Join me for the for Radiate into Red expressive arts workshop (or to get the recording later). Register here!
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 Join me for a free expressive arts color mediation!
Friday April 5th from 7-8:30 Pacific standard time. Pre-registration is required (see link below). KEEP THE EMAIL zoom sends you - it contains a link to the zoom session as well as a link to the webpage for the event, including the supply list! Register in advance for this meeting: https://us06web.zoom.us/.../tZwscO... What we are doing in this workshop? It is the second installment of the Color Mediation series - the "Dive Into Blue" workshop was the first one, and is still free, you can find HERE In this workshop we are going to explore one color. We will use paint and other art materials, and writing. Setting and a sense of spaciousness and privacy and safety are critically important to this work. It is also important to have a sense of community and a way to share your experience, so there is a Facebook group for you where you can share whatever you are comfortable sharing. What I’m hoping you’ll get out of this Art can be complicated. There are a lot of things we are working with when we paint or write or dance. If you are a beginner, you may not know a lot about color yet, and this is an opportunity to deeply explore what one color can do. If you are an experienced artist, this workshop will help you relax into the simplest elements of visual art and rediscover what you love about color without concern for making a finished painting. Remember, the goal isn’t to use your skills or make an amazing painting. It is to be as present with the sensual experience of using color and to explore it meaning and symbolism. You might take something from this experience that you can use in more deliberate and developed artworks, but try to let go of that and just enjoy radiating into the color red. What is Expressive Arts Therapy? Expressive Arts Therapy is a method of using all of the major art modalities for self exploration and healing. It can be used in conjunction with psychotherapy to explore deeper issues, but I am not a therapist and I use expressive arts for creativity coaching, personal development and spiritual growth. It is deep work, with an orientation towards now, the future and your self actualization. Expressive Arts doesn’t use the arts in isolation. A defining characteristic of it is moving one art modality to another. For example, we paint, and then we write from our painting. We write, and then find movement in the words and perform. Most of the most profound and deep creative experiences I’ve had have been through using expressive arts methods. I love this approach to creativity and self expression and I’m excited to share it with you. One of the most important things to know about expressive arts is that it has the motto “low skill, high response” when choosing materials and activities. This is a return to the raw essence of self expression. Which is actually much harder for those of us that are trained artists. It can be hard to let go of that training and just be in this almost primitive state of mind and to be with the experience of raw creativity. But when you can, it is powerful.  Last week I talked about the judgmental limiting No, the scared NO. And also the valid NO, the focusing NO.
Why you say yes, why you say no? When do you say yes, when do you say no? What is the timeline of your studio practice, what are the zones of intimacy and privacy in your studio practice? Consider this diagram of the private to public spectrum. The things you create and express are born, live and die on this diagram. They might stay in one circle their entire existence, or they might start in one and move to another. Hopefully outward! How do your Yeses and Nos play out here? We feel obligated to put all of our art out there. Or at least, everything we make should end up in the outer circle, we put that pressure on ourselves. Have you ever made anything that stays in the innermost circle? What needs to happen in order for something born in one circle to move out to another circle? In the very center all is allowed. The glitter, the garish, the naughty, the bad drawing, the experiments, the mess, the unmentionable, the extremely private, the embarrassing. That innermost circle yes is a daring temporary yes, and yes in the moment, a yes to ALL personas ALL the urges. It is cathartic, it is maybe extreme. Many, many artists do not permit themselves this innermost yes. After something is born in the innermost circle, it needs time, YOU need time to see if it is congruent with your other circles. Maybe you will destroy it. Maybe you will hide it. Maybe you will paint over it. Maybe you will protect it and honor it and store it somewhere safe. And maybe it kicks ass and is an honest beautiful raw authentic amazing thing you want to share. How big is your Innermost Artist Voice? Is it hiding in the inner circle, and needs coaxing to come out? Is it being heard? What it has to say changes over time. It speaks in all of the circles over time. Just like we do. But what does it want to whisper? What does it want to say when speaking publicly? Do you have its back? Another aspect to this nesting of circles is the development of individual artworks. This will drastically vary by the artist. Some of us are capable of improvising street art on the side of a building! But for myself, I usually want to start in the inner circle, and the public circle is intruding. So I am often in the semi-private circle. I’ve worked in that inner circle a lot. I still dip into it. I make sure I am not avoiding it. I don’t know, maybe I need to spend more time there. But it's an intense place to be. And not all of us want to make art from there! Maybe you want to paint a still life of some fruit, you know? Anyway, I usually start in the semi-private. I like some privacy, some safety. Also, I need to be bad at it. It needs some time and space to develop, for layers to build, to find a direction. That heavy outline around the inner circle, those are the kind Nos, the chosen limits you’ve given yourself for materials, style, visual vocabulary. These are healthy focused limits, good creative boundaries you use so you can go deeper into your process and imagery. They develop cohesion. The yellow circle is a soft public space. It's your website. Your social media archive. It's been seen, you’ve taken in the response. It has found a home, it is congruent with who you want to be as an artist. The outline around the orange circle is your quality control, and maybe a conditional yes to showing something in progress, sharing your process, behind the scenes, qualifying it with context, that it isn’t done. The outer circle is your sharing it for the first time, declaring it, showing it off, promoting it, offering it for sale. It's what you are most proud of. It is your best artist self. Is there anything you would add to this? Do you travel across the circles? What are the different types of fear and safety you experience in your art? Creativity coaching is designed to support you in navigating these levels. Contact me if you’d like to explore how it can work for you - not a sales call! No pressure, it won’t work if you don’t want it and it would be super awkward ha ha!  What is this? This is a prompt to inspire creative work. Use it for writing, visual art, dance, music, any creative endeavor. It is also a great way to discover new artists and creators and to just enjoy the arts. I invite you to explore this idea - there are many directions it could go! This month's theme: Boundaries (and Spaces) A line is a boundary, an edge A shape contains a space. How do these play out in your visual art, your inner/outer life, out in society and the world? Ways to explore on your own Here are some great ways to get ideas rolling
And then what? What comes next depends on your creative process. You might come up with an idea for an artwork you want to make, or you can use the prompt as creative calisthenics and let whatever you find and discover descend into your subconscious where it might come back up intuitively in a later work. Share what you make or discover! Facebook groups Shift Expressive Arts (private group) Women Artists to Know (public group) Inspiration!Art
Arles Del Rio Nearness Art21 Episode "Boundaries" Other artists whose work address boundaries and social spaces Nick Cave Soundsuits Natalia Anciso - immigration and borders Lee Godie - houseless artist Do Ho Suh - immigration and identity Fiction - Dark Neighborhood by Vanessa Onwuemezi . The first story is so strange and dark. I heard about it on the podcast Weird Studies episode 145 "This strangest of strange stories is set in a vast encampment of destitute yet hopeful people whose lives consist entirely of waiting for their turn to step through the iron gates of the Beyond" Dance/Movement/Somatic Dance performance: https://www.lbbonline.com/news/the-artery-breaks-boundaries-with-ultra-modern-single-take-dance-video Somatic Exercise for Healthy Boundaries https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pufe446RbV0 Music Songs about borders walls https://www.song-bar.com/song-blog/2016/6/29/playlists-songs-about-borders-barriers-walls-fences Yes is a complete sentence Have you heard the term “No is a complete sentence?” It’s a wonderful concept - you don’t have to explain or justify it when you say no. It's just No. When you start to explain and justify it gives people who are trying to manipulate you or who don’t respect your boundaries an opportunity to break down that no. But it’s just NO. I propose that when it comes to your creative life YES is also a complete sentence. You don’t have to justify or squish your creative impulses. Let yourself play and feel pleasure with the materials you love, the colors you love, the ideas you love, the imagery you love. Can we breathe that in for a moment? Yes. When I get an inspiration, I go through this whole routine of justifying it. Defending it. But I can just say YES if I feel a YES! What thoughts are you having now? Are you having a lot of “buts.” But glitter makes my art look amateur. But so and so said that my colors were garish. But so and so said my painting was boring. My painting was wrong, my painting was dangerous, or safe, or all the things, all the judgments! So we say NO, sometimes to our deepest pleasures! We don’t want to look silly, we don’t want to look like amateurs, we don’t want that feeling of people laughing behind our back or scoffing. We also judge. We judge what we don't want to be. But its all in us. We have in us the toddler being given crayons for the first time. We have the adolescent drawing pretty girls with their hands behind their backs because hands are hard. We have within us the relaxed retiree learning traditional plein air landscape painting. We have the wild abstract expressionist hurling paint. We have the suburban matron with her hobby room full of arts and crafts supplies from Hobby Lobby. We have a designer in love with minimalism. We have the rebel making art with her menstrual blood. We have the hippie painting giant mandalas and goddesses or magnificent tie dye tapestries! We have the beginner who needs to use tools like a projector or AI to achieve their vision. We have the expert who spent years mastering her craft and can’t let go. I could go on. We judge some of them and revere others. We fear being perceived as something we don’t want to be. Our shadow. I don’t want someone to think I’m just ________. So we say no. Not because we wouldn’t enjoy it, but because we don’t want to BE that. We disown that. And when we do that, we also disown everything that persona brings to the table. What does that cost us? You should make your own list, the creative personas you see out in the world, the ones you like and the ones you dislike. Which ones do you revere? Which ones do you disown? What does the disowned persona offer that we might lose when we fight the possibility of BEING that? I’m not saying you have to BE that, I’m just saying that we all usually strongly dislike certain creative paths. There are others we feel neutral about, but the ones that we have strong feelings about, maybe there is some magic in there, or some truth,. You don’t have to become that in order to have the benefits. You just need to stop JUDGING and disowning it, distancing yourself from it. Have some respect for it. You are your own person, it won’t infect you! Is there anything you say NO to that maybe could be a YES? What happens when you try? We have all those personas inside us, but we can't (and shouldn't try) ACTUALIZE them all in real life. We don’t need to. If we are chasing every little thing that interests us, there is a cost to that as well. But give a deeper look to the ones that feel strong. Questions to explore
Your Best Self Must Share Your Studio With Your Inner Depressed Artist. What is the culture of your studio? Is it a place to have discipline and work ethic? Where you compare yourself and your art to what you wish it would be and fret about how you are falling short? A place of inadequacy and laziness? That might be how it feels when you are depressed. Think of your most fragile, broken, disappointed artistic self. No motivation, feeling down, unable to work, unable to play, messy, dusty and abandoned. That depressed self must also feel comfortable in your studio. That sad hopeless wretch – it is her space too. It should be just as welcoming to her as it is to you when you are bustling with energy and alive with inspiration. Both creatures share this sacred space and if the energy of your studio only welcomes your most successful and driven version, it will not be a safe space for your inner artist when she is not well and needs love and support. When you are at your most motivated, you probably leave a mess. There is no comfortable place to sit because it is covered with sketches or wet paintings needing a space to dry. Brushes left in dirty water, caps left off tubes, excited writing and sketches that might be overwhelming and intimidating to your depressed side. Unfinished work she doesn’t know how to reenter, lacking the confidence to contribute anything of value. Before you leave your studio, assume that you might be in a low mood, low energy, depressed the next day. What does that part of you need to feel welcome? Fresh paper, easy to use supplies laid out in rainbow order, clean brushes ready to go, a bucket ready to be filled with water. Think of it as a closing blessing ritual for the studio to make it a safe welcoming place in case you feel low the next day. And if you are still feeling great the next day? What a delight! This beautifully laid out space, so inviting.  Our art matters - it matters that we make it In order to actualize our best and most honest art, we need (and deserve!) support. What support do you need, from yourself, and from others? This week, the support I needed came from myself and from my coach. I am starting a creative business, it is still a wee idea quickening. But I have been trying things that I was too scared to do when I was younger. I needed to be brave and take a chance and do something that felt scary. I needed to not assume I knew what the outcome was going to be. I needed some hope! I decided to believe and trust my coach and did what she suggested, which has been having conversations with women who want more meaningful creativity in their life. It has been really wonderful to have these conversations and to break through this limit I’d put on myself. For a while I was very world weary. I thought there’s no more surprises, no more color, no more freshness for me in my own art or my career. I am comfortable in my middle class, middle aged life, running out of steam, time to slow down. I don’t feel like I am being negative or a downer. I am accepting, I am embracing getting older. I love muted colors, so I was letting my own life become muted! I told myself that I know how it will go, it’s okay, but I'm being realistic about what is possible for me now. I’m releasing old ideas that won’t work for me, letting go of stale old dreams. Some of that is healthy. But is a death march, or could it be that I was making room for something new? The most obvious thing we need to do in order to continue growing is to get out of our comfort zone. I’m good at trying new materials. But there has been this low grade anxiety throughout this whole period of acceptance. Artistically, I felt I had lost connection with my inner voice. I think I kept running away from it. I didn’t like what it was saying. Sometimes it said things I hear other artists say in their work. Do I get to say it too? Do I have to say it in a new way in order to be allowed to express this common experience in my art? This week I started an online self discovery through photography course. Honestly I thought, I’m too old for self discovery. I’ve discovered myself to death! As I’ve been working through the lessons I see how I limit myself, how I scoff at certain things. And you know what they say, when you have that kind of judgemental feeling there might be something behind it that you need to poke at. One lesson in the photography course was the Expressive Gaze. Capturing emotion! I have emotions of course, but I feel like at thai age I am supposed to have them under control. Expressing emotions is for kids! I just didn’t know what to do with the prompt. “Am I supposed to just look at the camera and make a bunch of facial expressions?” And my wee little voice said, “well no one is going to see, I wonder what would happen if you did that?” So I took a burst of photos, and just made faces. I had like, all this pepper in my teeth. And then I did one with that super unflattering double chin angle, but I shook my head so my hair was flying all over, and that was kind of cool. And then I made myself think about a really sad thing, and let my face emote hard for a powerful second. And then when I looked at the burst of photos, it was really moving. I got teary?! I really did not expect that, at all. And I love that, I love that there is, OF COURSE! OF course this is true, but there is still newness and surprise. Is there anything you think is dumb or embarrassing that you can try in the privacy of your own studio, just to see what happens? What will you permit yourself to do, to express, to try? Are you willing to be surprised, to see something new?    Great reference photos for wild gray hair and Hag Rage!
What is this? This is a prompt to inspire creative work. Use it for writing, visual art, dance, music, any creative work. The current prompt is 'Seen/Hidden." It also a great way to discover new artists and creative work and to just enjoy it. The idea of being hidden/seen was one I explored many years ago as “Signal/Camouflage” when I was teaching middle school while in a lesbian relationship, right after Prop 8 passed. I was out everywhere but at work. I was an artist exploring sexuality through my art and it was scary. I wanted to be seen and known but that felt dangerous in a slightly conservative community. That was when I assumed my artist name in order to protect my livelihood and my artist soul. I invite you to explore this idea - there are many directions it could go. I want to use it for my own work but I'm not sure how to get started Here are some great ways to get ideas rolling
And then what? What comes next depends on your creative process. You might come up with an idea for an artwork you want to make, or you can use the prompt as creative calisthenics and let whatever you find and discover descend into your subconscious where it might come back up intuitively in a later work. I Made a Thing! Yay! We wanna see it! Post a link to it below or share in the "Women Artist to Know" Facebook group. If you feel shy, you can email me :) In this post/video
Saturday morning reflection on the artistic process. In the ongoing quest to understand my artistic process, I ponder a recurring topic — is this art destined for someone's wall or am I making something for my own soul? Is it a devil's choice?
It used to for sure be for my soul When I was younger, my work was a mirror reflecting the turbulence of my love life, sexuality, and spiritual exploration. Archetypes like the rabbit, Stag woman, and horsewoman were my companions, guiding me through a period of expressive arts in my 40s. These symbols held profound meaning, rooted in personal experiences and dreams. My life got better but my art started to wobble As I got older and my life stabilized, the archetypes that once served as pillars of expression started to feel like they belonged to my younger self, and no longer resonated. I needed to find new symbols or a new way of expressing myself so I could breathe life into my art, get past my blocks, and open up to different ways of working. Is abstract art the way forward? I tried was experimenting with non-representational art. I enjoyed the freedom of playing with color, texture, and mark-making without the burden of recognizable imagery. Yet, instead of trying to figure out what imagery to use, instead the puzzle was how to resolve composition - a puzzle I definitely did not find any meaning or pleasure in. There is so much design in abstract art, and while I enjoyed that about it, I could not find the depths of meaning or self expression in working abstractly that I was searching for in my practice. That left me vulnerable to seeking outside validation for my work. Letting the process go where it needs I decided to focus on objectively observing the inner critic and other doubting internal voices while I was working. I found that there is a rhythm. I fall into the work, get lost in it, and then am kind of gently delivered back into consciousness, like when you wake up naturally. And BAM, the voices would move right in! If I enjoyed making what I was making, I stood up for it! This process has resulted in a lot of little characters coming forward. I find them charming and strange. I don't know who they are yet, and I honestly feel uncomfortable with their style. Am I just soothing my creative anxiety? The question I have now is whether I can trust this approach. By following pleasure and trusting what emerges when I am in the zone, I wonder if I am staying safe. I feel unsure about this emerging style and that causes some cognitive dissonance. Is it for someone's wall or is it for my own soul? Artists need to be conscious of when they are making art for themselves, and when they are shifting to make art that can thrive in the marketplace. The sweet spot is when it is both. Some sound advice is to start by making art that is for you and then edit/resolve/improve/refine some of those works that seem like they are marketable. There is of course a learning curve with this. Keep everything unless it makes you cringe (and even them, hold onto it for a while and reevaluate it later). Much of the work that doesn't meet that sweet spot can be sold in studio sales for a lower price. I am going to continue to trust the process and see where it leads. Right now that means activating the surface with non-representational colors and lines. I let something emerge form that and follow what feels good and puts me in the zone. Right now, these characters are emerging and I'm going to see what happens if I give them more time to develop and evolve. I want to get to know them, to write about them, interview them, relate to them, ask them what they want. These creepy and whimsical images serve as breadcrumbs, guiding me toward an unexplored realm of self-discovery. What about your own artistic practice? Do you find your own art sometimes going in baffling directions you don't quite understand but thoroughly enjoy making? Are you struggling to work abstractly after working representationally? Here are some journal questions to explore. 1. Reflect on a recent piece of art you created. Did you find yourself creating with the intention of displaying it or as a form of personal expression for your soul? 2. Consider the symbols or archetypes you often incorporate into your art. How have they evolved over time, and do they still hold the same significance for you? 3. Explore the tension between the freedom of abstract art and the structure of deliberate composition. How do you navigate the balance between spontaneous creation and intentional design? 4. Think about the characters or elements in your recent artworks that may challenge conventional norms. How do these creations make you feel, and what do they reveal about your evolving artistic voice? 5. Have you ever felt the pressure to conform to certain artistic expectations, either from yourself or others? How did this influence your creative process? 6. How do you decide whether your art is for public consumption or a personal exploration? 7. Explore your relationship with consistency in your artistic work. How do you feel about having a consistent style or theme, and how does it impact your creative process? 8. Reflect on the idea of creating art for your soul. What does this mean to you, and how does it influence the choices you make in your artistic journey? 9. Think about a time when you intentionally created something that might not be widely accepted or understood. How did you reconcile the potential reactions of others with your inner artistic drive? 10. Consider the concept of artistic anxiety. How do you manage creative anxiety, and do you ever find yourself making art as a way to cope rather than to truly express your soul? Do you think you stick with certain skills or styles to avoid doing something new and uncomfortable? If you have difficulty answering these questions, or find that you need help in your creative practice, creativity coaching is a powerful way to breakthrough. Contact me and let me know what your biggest artistic challenge is! Is the art in your home speaking to your soul?
I'd really love to hear from you about what resonates for you when looking at art! Comment below or shoot me an email. Talking about art is one of my favorite things. Maybe I can suggest some artist whose work you'd love! I'm so excited to share this with you! This is reflecting, dreaming and goal setting process my friends and I have been doing for years and it is so effective! This years session was so inspiring I decided to make a fancy PDF version for you! I feel so ready to take my dreams seriously and really live my best life, and I wanted to share that feeling. There are several ways to use it. You can be crafty and cut out the prompts and glue them onto your own paper. Or you can print the full workbook version. When you are done, keep in a place where you can find it at the end of 2024 so you can reflect on your year. I put mine in my planner. If you want support and creativity coaching, I'd love to work with you. Your dreams, and your creativity really matter! We ALL need support to stick to our goals and to believe in our dreams. Let me know how it goes for you - you can leave a comment or send me an email. I want to know! |
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