Kiki Smith's Artistic Freedom I just watched a short interview with Kiki Smith (embedded below). She says “For me, in my work, I don’t try to set it in any path or any direction. I really try to follow it and I really believe in following it. As much as possible, don’t question my impetus or motive for doing something. I just do it and then see what happens. I'm not trying to get anywhere or I'm not trying to have my work mean anything or stand for anything or represent anything.” She also says “a lot of the reasons to make things are really to have an experience of the process” and also “I like working with people that are knowledgeable and have a deep craft. I like craft a lot.” Don't Compare yourself to Someone with Privilege Let’s acknowledge she is privileged to work this way. Her time and energy are dedicated to art, from which she makes her living. She is able to hire studio assistants and to collaborate with craftspeople. She was born into this elite section of the art world (and I value the art she made, the truth of it) Living the dream really! Limited Resources, Unlimited Potential I don’t get to follow my work where it wants to go and have the resources of time, money and energy to manifest where my work wants to go. Few of us do. But I do have some time, energy and resources to dedicate to my art. I have enough of those things where it can’t be an excuse. Self Doubt and Half-Hearted Commitment Are the Real Obstacles But I still have this lazy bitter avoidant part of me that does not take full advantage of what I do have. I have this feeling that it won’t be worth it, so I hold back. I don’t give my art my everything. I have committed to a degree, but that last bit of commitment is where it actually counts, and that has really eluded me. Unpacking Artistic Insecurities Because I don’t fully love myself, my art, my process. I don’t fully believe in it. I hold back from a whole hearted loving relationship with my own creativity. Because of self doubt, because sometimes I make shitty art, because there are other artists better than me, because I wasn’t one of those kids drawing obsessively and that makes me doubt it, because I used to actively hate art. I feel I don’t deserve it. So I’ve halfheartedly danced around it, committing half way but not all the way. I don’t even know what it means to commit fully to anything. I doubt everything I’ve ever done or will do. Joy is bittersweet A Powerful Reminder: We ALL Deserve to Actualize Our Creative Potential This post started out as a Facebook post, and I got this lovely comment, screen shot above. I am actively working on overcoming these self-imposed limitations. This is my current challenge, and I AM going to figure it out. I recognize that my doubts and fears are normal parts of the creative process, but they don't have to define my artistic journey. Moving forward, I commit to:
To my fellow artists struggling with self-doubt: You are not alone. Let's support each other in fully embracing our creativity and the joy it brings to our lives. Leave a comment below and share what small step can you take today to show up for your art :)
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