Who knew a 12" square could be so terrifying?

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I recently decided a few things.

I decided to switch mediums.

I decided to do larger work.

I decided to try to actually sell my work. Eeep!

I had an art show recently and realized my work is so small, it is not very noticeable in person.  I like working small, I like the intimacy. And it is so much easier in so many ways, less expensive.

I haven't painted on canvas in decades. Maybe once or twice. The last time I did, I was in my twenties.  So I drove 2 hours in traffic to buy new acrylic paint and canvas, a new set of brushes. I bought a few 12" ready-made canvases too.

Those ready made canvases filled me with fear. So perfectly made, so clean and empty. So it felt a lot better just to rip off a hunk of canvas and clip it to an old crappy piece of plywood. No real art being made here!

The self talk we go through as creative people is ridiculous. Mine goes from grotesquely overconfident to pathetically self pitying in a matter of microseconds. But mostly I am saying helpful things like this:

It's just an experiment.

You don't have to show it to anyone.

You can paint over it later.

Go ahead and try it, it's just a practice piece.

You can make 4 more of this same image and pick your favorite later.

No one will ever see this unless you want them too.

I take this approach for all my artwork because art making has to start out as a very personal interaction, just for me. If I think at all about what other people think, I won't get into the flow of creating the way I most enjoy it.  

So, it will be a while before I show ya'll my paintings. I don't know what the heck I'm doing!