Last week I explored the theme Marginalization/Belonging. It has me thinking about times I've felt like I belonged, and times (and ways) that I felt deliberately excluded. What is coming up is how often I marginalize myself, and that it is often just in my head. And that in order to belong or fit in, I tone myself down.
I have the privilege of being able to do that. My skin color, social class, genetics, education and other resources that I did not necessarily earn, give me the ability to fake it to fit in, and I benefit from that. I chose to be and act in certain ways to get what I want. I need to be careful about bitching about authenticity, you know? I can be myself, but am I willing to pay the costs?
Isn't it nice that I get to make a deliberate decision about that?
I read a lot of blogs about spirituality, authenticity, and entrepreneurship. A lot of it seems tangled together, and there is this desperation that in order to be fully authentic, we have to have our own businesses so we don't have to fake it at some lame company anymore. So we don't have to wear pantyhose.
We can create meaningful, spiritually based work. I believe this, but still, I am very privileged to be able to even consider this as an option, a real thing that might be possible for me.
I like the idea of Shangri La. I think people living authentic, free, healthy, abundant lives can be a source of hope to others. And not living my life to the fullest does nothing to help. But I think it is good to stop and appreciate that by luck of birth, genetics, geography, and skin color, I get to ponder art and the meaning of it all while enjoying good health, clean water, and other abundant resources at my fingertips.
Why do I feel like an asshole for saying thank you?