Vulnerability and trauma

Today was my third session on my own Body Love journey. It started out as an interest in how I can use creativity to change my health habits. Almost immediately it went much deeper than that, to a traumatizing experience from childhood.  Looking back on my artistic development, so much of my art has been about this one event.  

Brene Brown's work on shame and vulnerability is having a big impact on many of us. It is helping me to reframe some of the experiences I've had in a more positive light, and giving me the courage to stop holding back on my own healing.

I really enjoy going to workshops with a transformational focus, but I often find that no one else needs (or wants) to heal the same things as I do, and so I feel shame when I bring up my childhood experience of molestation. It feels so extreme, and I don't know how to deal with the silence of others around me. I already have so much shame around it. But I think it is like death and people just don't know what to say, and I am wanting or needing something they cannot give me. Something I need to give myself.

I started with a larger scale painting on a paper bag using pastel, ink and paint. Then I processed the image further in my visual journal, resulting in a catharsis.